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We had different schedules and expectations. It got frustrating. Jeremy Nicholson contrasts the belief in romantic destiny, or soul mates, with the belief in romantic growth, or cultivation. To be honest, I still really do believe in soul mates, just not in the chick-flick sense. We promised to love and honor each other all the days of our lives, and that, along with raising our children, has been the best project of my life. Likewise, if you meet someone sweet, respectful, or just plain good, maybe give him a chance.

If the timing is off, give it time. He might end up to be the best friend you never knew you needed. Perfect is out there somewhere. When my friend Kelly was 35, her career as an anthropology professor established, she was introduced to her husband. He was not intimidated by her success, and he did not play games. What she found was a good man. Find someone who lights you up and makes you want to be better, who wants to live an adventure with you.


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Sometimes our expectations are too high, but we can also err in another direction. If a man blows you off, talks down to you, cheats on you, etc. How frustrating was it to listen to her make excuses for him? How often have we been that friend? Cut these guys off, and move on. Believing sex will make him love you will set you up for heartbreak.

Not only was I not falling for that after two dates, but one particular night after he had replayed yet another hit of his, he turned all the way to the side and forced me to look into his eyes. Well, let me tell you.

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And in my driveway, at at night? Self imposed curfew, lest I need to escape. So, I did. The story with this guy ended permanently a few dates later. Well, wait a minute. NO, no. Hang up now. And so, the mysterious country singer rode off into the sunset, alone. Just like his song said.

If anyone knows me, they know I hate the effects of drug abuse and the life it is. I knew he smoked pot and although I was not involved in that, I was very interested in the kind eyes and gentle nature of this man. We live in Austin and marijuana is very common here, among all walks of life and social classes. He had two twin boys he was raising and they were best buddies with my four children.


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  • He and I got along wonderfully and had the same views on many important topics. We seemed like a wonderful match. Fast forward to the break up.

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    Just one with a serious undercover drug problem. When we broke up, he told me he would get clean and revisit me again. One afternoon, six months later, I sat in a karate studio with my back to the large uncovered windows of the studio watching my 5 year old son practice his karate. No parent in the joint kept their eyes on the children on the mat. They were all staring at me. I was absolutely mortified. I froze, staring out the window, trying to decide whether or not to run or to completely ignore him.

    He was removed from the property. I have only had a handful in 16 years and these stories are why. Oh, this incident made my buttcheeks wince even as it was happening. I was asked out by a man in my church. A most talented, respected man to be certain. The man became more valued than a woman. Getting a husband is more valued, than a man trying to find a wife. A woman will buy a man some flowers. Take a man out to dinner and pay for the whole entire dinner.


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    • Invite a man over to her home and entertain him. The woman will do whatever it takes to get a man. And she's doing all this without A ring or even a word of commitment from him.

      Or he enjoys all the attention and acts like they're in a committed relationship to continue these wonderful benefit. Men are enjoys being treated like a king without King responsibilities. They do nothing in the beginning and get every and move to the next woman. In all seriousness, to find a good person, be a good person. Whatever qualities you are looking for, you should develop in yourself. If you want someone educated and kind with a good job, you should be educated and kind with a good job. Don't play games. Don't go after the bad boys.

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      Don't think someone will change for you. Don't expect a knight to come rescue you. There are plenty of good guys. I married one. I have 6 brothers and they are all awesome. They all found a partner equally awesome. I feel you. I know they're out there but good men are like an endangered species, and very hard to find.

      They are in their basement playing video games Thank you for your reply, it is very helpful and I really appreciate the detailed answers! Yes it's hard in this day and age! So much has changed and peoples values have gone out the window! Maybe it's not everyone but a good majority I have found don't have much to give to others, instead have taken selfishness into their hearts. I answered by my life experience, mistakes I learned from. They're in their late 40's.. If there's any hope in finding one. They aren't obsessed with social media, their phones, or internet porn and they have a healthy work ethic and want to take care of and provide for their women!

      I'm so lucky to have found one, he is 12 years older than me but I finally found one I actually respect. Oh yeah did i mention he's also in touch with his emotions?! I think I got the last one lol. I must be dreaming lol.